What does my past have to do with my future?
I believe the answer is essentially one of choice! Do I want my past to have anything to do with my future? Tempting and ingrained as this choice may be, I have learnt that it is not the most useful choice, particularly if my past experiences were not ones that I enjoyed or felt empowered by.
We tend to say that experience is useful and that we learn from our experiences. My observations are that many of us don’t really learn much that is truly ‘useful’ to us. On the contrary, we mostly seem to learn fear out of which we also learn defensiveness, offensiveness, avoidance and attachment.
Because of our fear, we learn to hold on (attach) to certain people and things so that we don’t lose them. Because of our fear, we learn to avoid certain people and things because we don’t wish to get hurt. Because of our fear, we learn to be defensive, arming ourselves with certain judgments, beliefs and attitudes. Because of our fear, we learn to be offensive, guided by the belief that ‘attack is the best form of defense’.
When people tell me they have “learned from their experience”, I find they often mean they have learned to be fearful in certain situations. However, most of them do not realize that this is in fact what they have learned. On the contrary, they actually believe that they have learned something useful.
We are, by nature, fearless i.e. loving, free, creative and expansive (think of very young children!). Fear prevents us from being who and how we truly are. However, all is not lost, for our recognition of our fear is a most useful thing. When we do recognize our fear for what it is, then and only then are we in a position to do something about it.
I often remind myself and my clients about this:
You cannot change what you don’t know.
It seems obvious, doesn’t it? Yet, how often are we blind to the obvious?
To actually learn usefully from our past, we need to keep an open and objective mind. This is best done through a process of compassionate, non-judgmental and creative analysis. Such a process is known as ‘analytical meditation’ in the Buddhist tradition. The process involves asking questions such as
Why did I do what I did?
How did I feel?
Did I feel empowered?
What beliefs guided my actions/thoughts/words/feelings/decisions?
Are these beliefs valid?
Can I be absolutely certain that they are?
Can I be absolutely certain that I know why someone acted in a certain way?
How would I have liked to have felt/acted?
Should a similar situation arise in the future, how would I like to feel/act?
What beliefs might support such feelings/actions?
Do I wish to be guided by fear?
Would I prefer to be guided by love?
Would I prefer to have such beliefs?
It is only when we go through such a process of analysis where we allow our feelings to inform our thinking, are we able to experientially and thus authentically make free and empowering choices/decisions. Most importantly, experientially (not just intellectually) coming to the realization that empowered actions and decisions arise from love, not fear, enables us to take inspired and enlightened action and make inspired and enlightened decisions/choices.
So, what does the past have to do with our future? Everything and nothing! It provides us with rich material for compassionate and enlightening analysis. It does not, however, have to be the blueprint by which we live the rest of our lives. By truly learning from the past, we can chart fresh courses for the future.
To what extent do you believe you have truly learned from your past? What have you learned? Do you consider it worthwhile reviewing past experiences in the light of what you have just read?
Love Always, Lucy
How shall I serve you, my Love?
For Online and Offline Mentoring/Meditation/Workshops/Retreats Contact lucy@lucylopez.net
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Nice post. I think becoming more self-aware is critical to being happy and content with our lives. Unfortunately, I think many people get scared away from the process because it can be daunting, and even a little painful, at first.
Examining why we do what we do and feel as we feel can bring up a host of unpleasant memories, and it’s nice to remember that there’s a lot of satisfaction and happiness on the other side of working through those.
Thanks for your comment Jo. Yes, memories of the past can bring up strong, painful feelings. This is why the practice of analytical meditation is done by first bringing the mind to a fairly stable, ‘clear water mind’ state. Also, reminding ourselves of some essential truths that we have come to realize experientially, is helpful. Truths such as:
-Feelings come and go as long as we don’t hold on to them
-Feelings are really our friends, letting us know whether we are moving in love or in fear. The more painful and uncomfortable, the more we are moving in fear and upstream. This can motivate us to ask for and intend a different feeling eg What would I like to feel instead? I intend to feel xxx
-At any given time, we are doing the best we can.
And even with all that, if we still feel that we are not ready to ‘go there’, we can freely and without guilt, leave it for a time when we are. In the meantime, we can hold the intention: I intend to feel ready to look at this. I allow myself to feel ready to look at this.
The practice of intending is so powerful. There is nothing you cannot intend. NOTHING!
Hi
I’m just going to say that I don’t think it was a coincidence that I was meant to read that,excellent
Thanks for leaving a awesome comment on my blog
Peace
@John Sullivan
I don’t think there is such a thing as ‘coincidence’, at least not in the sense that many people think of it! I do believe there is a co-insiding (or synchronicity) of events but not in a random, meaningless way. On the contrary, in a perfectly ordered way which we would see if we had the all-seeing eyes of ‘god’ i.e. pure awareness!
Just wanted to say that because I am certain you will know what I mean :-)