You’ve learned to be unhappy. Now learn to be happy!

Have you noticed how easy it is for you to swing from feeling reasonably happy and positive to feeling unhappy, angry, fearful, annoyed or discontented?  All it requires is for you to hear or read or see something that has been known to ‘push your buttons‘ and almost instantly, your mood shifts.

Even though you might have spent an hour in meditation practice or done something really enjoyable , it is still possible that, without warning, something happens or you remember something and before you know it, a dark cloud overtakes you!

Don’t you wish you could be completely immune to any form of negative thought, feeling, word or action?  I know I do!  Perhaps a ‘happiness pill‘ could be invented which would keep us constantly in a state of bliss and positivity without compromising our faculties and capabilities!  As far as I know, such a pill hasn’t been invented yet so we are still left with this condition of ‘vulnerability‘.  What are we to do?

Today, I’d like to suggest something to maintain a happy and peaceful disposition and to recover quickly and effortlessly from negativity.  It is something that has to be done proactively, meaning instead of waiting for a negative experience to arise,you do this when you are feeling strong, positive and confident.

First, make a note of those things that typically upset you.  For most of us, there are a few easily identifiable things that seem to drag us down that negative slope.  Perhaps it is your relationship with someone or a past action that you continue to feel guilty about or a fear about something in the future.  Choose one of these and describe it to yourself as fully as you can, either verbally or in writing.  Ask yourself questions such as:

What happens?  What happens next?  How does it end?

Next, explore how you feel.  Really get into the feeling/s .   Often, when we say we feel hurt about something, upon deeper and closer examination, we find that we might actually be feeling fearful, afraid perhaps of being rejected or being unimportant, for instance.

Once you have explored your feelings as fully as you can, ask yourself this question:

Do I want to continue feeling this way about this situation/person?

I expect your answer will be ‘No’.  Make sure it is a sincere, full-bodied ‘No’!  You might help yourself along here by remembering how upset or hurt or powerless you have felt in the past and decided that you really do not want to continue feeling this way.   Next, ask yourself:

How would I like to feel about this situation/person?  What feeling would allow me to be truly happy and peaceful about this?

Don’t think the answer.  Feel it.  This is really important.  Hold an image of that person or situation in your mind and guide yourself in this way:  Instead of feeling angry (or afraid or hopeless or guilty etc), how would I really like to feel in this situation?  What would leave me feeling most happy, most peaceful?

Here, your answer should be an actual feeling, one that you may experience in your body or have a sense of even as your mind seeks to give it a name!  Don’t be too concerned if you do not have a name for it.  Focus on the feeling.  Enjoy its full expression.  Sometimes, it may be a little subtle and tentative.  At other times, it may be full blown, quite unmistakeable.  But it will be spontaneous, uncontrived and often leave you feeling a great sense of relief, liberation almost!

Continue to focus on that feeling for as long as you can.  The reason for doing this is that, on a physiological level, you are establishing new neural networks that link the situation/person with a positive response i.e. feeling.  This provides an alternative pathway to the old, established pathway that linked the thing/person with a negative response.

Go through this exercise often, until it becomes a ‘fait accompli‘ in your mind.  Each time you do, you are reinforcing those neural pathways.  Remember, our thoughts, feelings, words, actions and their associations are learned.  Learning involves the creation of new neural pathways or schemas.   Or put another way, new pathways are an indication of learning!  You see, you can and must learn to be happy!

Lucy Lopez – Hire Me!

Learning to be Happy!