.
The kids, mostly 12-13 year olds, were eager to try out what they’d just learned – a new sequence of moves in attack and defense. They were especially keen as today, they had the attention of their instructor, the head Sensei, (teacher) who had just demonstrated the moves.
At 63, he was nothing short of a paragon of fitness, fine craft, a rich stockpile of humor to match the range of age groups his students spanned, and, as I was to observe yet again, a source of wisdom.
Having had about 5 minutes of practice, the boys were called to attention. Sensei made some general comments and then asked a pair to demonstrate the moves for the others to observe and critique.
When they’d completed their demonstration, Sensei asked for feedback. A couple of the boys offered something which Sensei repeated to the group and used to further explain the martial art. He thanked them.
One young lad then said something which I did not hear, sitting as I was, outside the training area in a section designated for parents who wanted to watch their kids train. The child’s comment, however, brought on a round of laughter but it was quickly muted by Sensei’s grave tone.
“Don’t try to make yourself bigger by making someone else smaller”
I was struck by this unexpected wisdom. ‘Unexpected’ because I had different expectations of the benefits of karate lessons from Sensei. I knew he was good at his craft and well-respected for it but this incident provided me with yet another reason why he had gained an enviable reputation.
I suppose you could say that Sensei was a master of not only the physical and technical skills of his martial art but also its spiritual and psychological wisdom.
“Don’t try to make yourself bigger by making someone else smaller”
It’s a lesson I have frequently reminded my son of. You see, he was among those kids fortunate enough to experience Sensei’s wisdom.
It’s something that I have often reminded myself of and shared with my clients.
How many times have you ‘made yourself bigger by making someone else smaller’? If not overtly with teasing, sarcasm, cynicism or condemnation, covertly through the commentary running silently and ceaselessly in your head?
How many times do you judge? In a day? In an hour? How often do you claim, consciously or otherwise, superiority, whether of intellect, professional ability or personal virtue?
“I would never do what he did”
“She is such a hypocrite”
“He thinks he is so smart”
“What right has she got to say that?”
“He has no idea…”
Every time you think such thoughts, you are claiming your superiority over another. Their error, shortcoming or vice is your pedestal of superiority, of ‘better than’. If it were not, you would not have such thoughts!
More importantly, if you had no need for that false sense of superiority, you would not entertain such thoughts, such judgments. And yes, it is false.
It happens mostly unconsciously. It happens largely because we have learned to see others in this way, through the distorting lens of judgment. I assure you, it is not natural. Common, yes. ‘Normal’, yes. But ‘natural’, most assuredly not.
Can we change? Can we learn to see others differently? Oh yes. Absolutely, yes! It’s about ‘seeing things as they truly are‘ – a marvelous Buddhist injunction.
Seeing without judgment or blame. Sticking to facts by replacing thoughts such as
‘He is arrogant’ with ‘He said/did..xyz’ or
‘I would never do what she did’ with ‘Only she knows what she did and the circumstances surrounding her action. My decision not do something like that is best based on how I feel and what my motivation is, not on what she or anyone else has done or not done’
Stick with the facts. Leave the judgments out. Observe others behaviors not for the purpose of claiming superiority but to explore yourself, your motivations, your defenses, your biases.
The happy mind is the mind that is free from judgment. Choose a happy mind.
Blessings,
Lucy Lopez
Awakening to Happiness!
Oooooooh Lucy! That’s a heavy one. And so RIGHT. We in western society seem to have some sort of devilish need to denigrate others in order to feel superior. To have more, to know more, generally just to be better.
Jan from BetterSpines´s last blog ..Flu Vaccine
Jan, I assure you, this kind of thinking is not limited to western societies…discrimination, in all its overt and covert forms, from racial to cultural, takes place in most ‘civilized’ societies, buoyed by the reliance on a false sense of self-worth…