Hi there, I am wondering if there is a specific mudra or breathing exercise or meditation you can tell me of that will help me deal with a domineering intrusive father who keeps trying to control me. I would like to deal with this situation in a peaceful manner as often talking about it with him either keeps things the same or makes them worse so I am focusing now on working on myself from within so that my external reality changes.  any help on this? thanks :)

My response:

I hope you won’t mind me saying so, but I think you’ve already hit on exactly the thing you need to do i.e. focus on yourself!

I would just like to elaborate on that a little though.  The internal work that you are attempting to do is really about ‘awakening’.  All too often, we ignore or pay scant attention to the ‘inner work’ because our focus and preoccupation is with trying to change the external.  As you have found, that can be futile!

It may be hard for us to accept this but what we see and experience of others is, first and foremost, a reflection of our beliefs and attitudes.  If you are finding this hard to understand, consider the common experience of the same word or action or person evoking different responses from people.

One person might respond with laughter, another with fear, another with doubt etc.  It is the same word/action/person but our responses are all different depending on what filters i.e. beliefs and attitudes we each hold.

So, focusing on yourself is indeed the best, and ultimately, the only way you will bring about change.  You see, by recognizing that it is YOUR RESPONSE to someone or something that determines your state of happiness or otherwise, you regain control over your own wellbeing.

Whereas you may have believed that your father was the cause of your unhappiness, you can now see that it is your response to your father that is the cause of your unhappiness!  That is indeed a significant ‘awakening’.

Also, recognize that your response towards your father is your attempt to regain control that you believe you have lost or are in danger of losing.  In truth, as Eleanor Roosevelt so rightly said,

“No one can make you feel inferior (weak/angry/disappointed/rejected etc) without your consent”

As for mudras, meditations and breathing exercises, let me suggest a couple of things:

Breathing is the most easily available, fast and effective way of dispersing ‘negativity’.  Actually, I prefer to describe it in terms of removing the blocks that we create within our mind-body system with our negative thoughts.

By breathing slowly, gently and deeply and maintaining a soft focus on your breathing, you will restore that natural flow of life/love energy.  You can do this sitting (with your back straight and your body relaxed), or lying on your back or even while you are walking.  You can focus on your solar plexus or even on your heart centre.  This in itself is a type of meditation.

If you like, you could coordinate your breathing with the following thoughts and use this as another type of meditation:

As you breathe in:

The power of the universe, the power that brings all things into being, moves through me and expresses itself through me.  (Imagine how all of life, including the planets, galaxies, water, wind etc is brought into existence by this very same power – feel the power)

As you breathe out:

I allow all obstacles that arise from my beliefs to fall away as the power of love flows freely through me. (You can imagine the obstacles falling away from your body like great weights falling into an ocean – feel the lightness and the free flow of energy)

As you realize and experience the true, indestructible power that you are, that you have always been, you will feel less and less threatened by your father’s behaviours.  Perhaps your will see that it is his failure to experience his own, true power that feeds his need to exercise (a false sense of) power over others. This might help you respond with empathy as well as confidence.

On the other hand, it is possible that you will find he is not as controlling as you thought him to be and that perhaps it is your great fear of losing control that causes you to respond in the way you do.  Or perhaps a bit of both.

There is a book by Byron Katie called ‘I need your love, is this true?’ which I would strongly recommend.  She uses an excellent thought process that she calls ‘The Work’ which I consider tremendously effective.

I do hope this has been useful.  I commend you for taking control of the situation and focusing on the inner work of ‘awakening’ to the workings of your mind.

Love always

Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

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