“I have developed several emotional issues like lack of self confidence, self-esteem, concentration problem, anxiety and being a perpetual worrier on trivia”.

Although his case may seem uncommon to those of us who have lived in comparatively safer and freer countries, you might be interested in reading about the common causes of our mental, emotional and psychological unrest in my response to him:

“A blessed New Year to you Z!  And thank you for your inquiry.

Moving from one country/culture to another even when the two countries/cultures are similar is quite an upheaval – pulling up one’s ‘roots’ and establishing new ‘roots’.

When the two countries/cultures are so different, that upheaval has an added dimension of adjustment.  In your case, this adjustment may have much to do with trust.

I say this because it seems that you have grown up and lived in a culture that you now see as oppressive and one that you appear to be unable to trust.  Perhaps you have always felt the culture, religion and government of your country of birth to be oppressive and untrustworthy.

Whichever it is, the fact is you don’t feel you are able to live your life as fully and freely as you would like to, personally and professionally.

The first thing I’d like to say, Z, is that there are many, many people who are not living their lives as fully and as freely as they would like to.  They can be found in all parts of the world.

The clinics and offices of professional therapists, psychologists, counsellors and other related professionals in the West (and to a slightly lesser degree in the East) are well patronized by such people.

My point here is simply this:

While our backgrounds may be different, our experiences unique and the triggers for our psychological and mental disquiet many and varied, the underlying cause of our mental/emotional/psychological pain is the same – it is fear.

Fear takes many forms, one of which is distrust.  We are unable to trust the world to be kind to us, to do right by us and to allow us to live fully and freely.

At the same time, we have lost confidence in ourselves and we are unable to trust ourselves to know what is best for us, to make the decisions that we need to make and to follow our dreams.  In short, to live fully and freely!

Let me say it again – most of us are in the same boat.  We differ only in degree!

So, what can I recommend in a situation such as yours?

I shall put it in dot points.  I suggest that you use each one as a point of reflection and meditation.

Begin by sitting in a quiet and comfortable place.  Allow yourself to relax by holding a sense of softness in your mind.  Take some deep and gentle breaths.  Then instruct your mind in the following way:

I allow myself to be soft, open and spacious.

I allow myself to sit in the direct flow of universal energy, source, unconditional love, god, Allah (use the term that you are most comfortable with).

I allow myself to feel the peace, power, joy and freedom of this universal energy.

Take a few more deep breaths.

Now, reflect on one or more of the following.  Take your time with each:

I am an expression of god/love/universal energy

As an expression of god/love/universal energy, no one and no thing has power over me

The only thing that is vulnerable is my fear-conditioned mind

My natural mind is powerful, peaceful, joyous, limitless and free

No one and no thing is responsible for my happiness or unhappiness, my sense of power or powerlessness, no more than I am responsible for anyone else’s

When I cease to hold someone or something else responsible for who and what I am, I assume full responsibility for, and power over, myself.  I am liberated.

As an expression of ultimate source/universal energy, I am free to be, do and have anything I want.  I am only limited by my fear-conditioned mind

My purpose in life is joy.  It is something I can choose right now and focus on right now

When I focus on joy, on living fully and freely, I feel empowered for I have dropped all disempowering thoughts and feelings

May I also suggest the following articles that you will find at my blog:

Being happy means being powerful  http://www.lucylopez.net/planethappiness/?p=654
Whatever you believe, you are right    http://www.lucylopez.net/planethappiness/?p=246
A beautiful meditation for the happiness of all    http://www.lucylopez.net/planethappiness/?p=398
How do you handle barriers to your happiness     http://www.lucylopez.net/planethappiness/?p=678

I hope you find them useful.

Have faith Z.  Trust in the true nature of who you are – powerful, limitless and free.  Experience it in meditation.  Be joyous in your intentions!”

Love always,

Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

PS  Keep an eye out for my free new ebook, 10 Power and Prosperity Themes for the New Year, that you’ll be able to download from this blog!

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“Don’t believe everything you think!”

Excellent advice, if you ask me.  Advice that meditation practice, including mindfulness meditation practice, will help you see the value of.

Not long after the car with that bumper sticker drove off, another car with this bumper sticker drove by:

This is the lab calling.  Your brain is ready to be picked up.

Ouch!

Then again, in the context of meditation and mindfulness and peace of mind, perhaps having the brain/mind reconditioned/reprogrammed in a ‘lab’ might not be such a bad thing :)

But the purpose of this post is really to remind us of the neurotic thinking habits of our conditioned mind and to encourage us to take time to disengage from it by some form of meditation practice.  I know that in my last post, I talked about mindfulness meditation.  I have also provided you with some simple instructions on 3 types of mindfulness practice.

This lovely little Zen spiritual story, told  by Maritza Parra, illustrates this point beautifully:

I know the value of mindfulness practice and I do some form of it everyday.  In fact, I make it a point to maintain a constant degree of awareness at all times.  I don’t always succeed but I am quick to catch myself when I am not being present.

So, how is mindfulness practice valuable?  As I said, it breaks the conditioned pattern of thinking, the kind of thinking that is anchored in unexamined beliefs, fears, doubts, worries etc. It gives you a chance to step out of this whirling pool of conditioned thinking and step into the crystal-clear waters of the unconditioned mind.  “Ground zero‘ if you like.

What a relief!  What a marvelous reality check!  What a magnificent way of reconnecting with your true nature!  And what an amazingly healing experience – mentally, emotionally and physically!  Yes, of course your body heals as your mind is cleared of all its toxic thought patterns and their neurochemical and biochemical products!

Love always!

Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

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Hi there, I am wondering if there is a specific mudra or breathing exercise or meditation you can tell me of that will help me deal with a domineering intrusive father who keeps trying to control me. I would like to deal with this situation in a peaceful manner as often talking about it with him either keeps things the same or makes them worse so I am focusing now on working on myself from within so that my external reality changes.  any help on this? thanks :)

My response:

I hope you won’t mind me saying so, but I think you’ve already hit on exactly the thing you need to do i.e. focus on yourself!

I would just like to elaborate on that a little though.  The internal work that you are attempting to do is really about ‘awakening’.  All too often, we ignore or pay scant attention to the ‘inner work’ because our focus and preoccupation is with trying to change the external.  As you have found, that can be futile!

It may be hard for us to accept this but what we see and experience of others is, first and foremost, a reflection of our beliefs and attitudes.  If you are finding this hard to understand, consider the common experience of the same word or action or person evoking different responses from people.

One person might respond with laughter, another with fear, another with doubt etc.  It is the same word/action/person but our responses are all different depending on what filters i.e. beliefs and attitudes we each hold.

So, focusing on yourself is indeed the best, and ultimately, the only way you will bring about change.  You see, by recognizing that it is YOUR RESPONSE to someone or something that determines your state of happiness or otherwise, you regain control over your own wellbeing.

Whereas you may have believed that your father was the cause of your unhappiness, you can now see that it is your response to your father that is the cause of your unhappiness!  That is indeed a significant ‘awakening’.

Also, recognize that your response towards your father is your attempt to regain control that you believe you have lost or are in danger of losing.  In truth, as Eleanor Roosevelt so rightly said,

“No one can make you feel inferior (weak/angry/disappointed/rejected etc) without your consent”

As for mudras, meditations and breathing exercises, let me suggest a couple of things:

Breathing is the most easily available, fast and effective way of dispersing ‘negativity’.  Actually, I prefer to describe it in terms of removing the blocks that we create within our mind-body system with our negative thoughts.

By breathing slowly, gently and deeply and maintaining a soft focus on your breathing, you will restore that natural flow of life/love energy.  You can do this sitting (with your back straight and your body relaxed), or lying on your back or even while you are walking.  You can focus on your solar plexus or even on your heart centre.  This in itself is a type of meditation.

If you like, you could coordinate your breathing with the following thoughts and use this as another type of meditation:

As you breathe in:

The power of the universe, the power that brings all things into being, moves through me and expresses itself through me.  (Imagine how all of life, including the planets, galaxies, water, wind etc is brought into existence by this very same power – feel the power)

As you breathe out:

I allow all obstacles that arise from my beliefs to fall away as the power of love flows freely through me. (You can imagine the obstacles falling away from your body like great weights falling into an ocean – feel the lightness and the free flow of energy)

As you realize and experience the true, indestructible power that you are, that you have always been, you will feel less and less threatened by your father’s behaviours.  Perhaps your will see that it is his failure to experience his own, true power that feeds his need to exercise (a false sense of) power over others. This might help you respond with empathy as well as confidence.

On the other hand, it is possible that you will find he is not as controlling as you thought him to be and that perhaps it is your great fear of losing control that causes you to respond in the way you do.  Or perhaps a bit of both.

There is a book by Byron Katie called ‘I need your love, is this true?’ which I would strongly recommend.  She uses an excellent thought process that she calls ‘The Work’ which I consider tremendously effective.

I do hope this has been useful.  I commend you for taking control of the situation and focusing on the inner work of ‘awakening’ to the workings of your mind.

Love always

Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

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The power of the universe is within you.

The very power that has brought all things into being.

The same power that keeps you alive and that you create with – all the things that you want as well as the things that you don’t.

There is no other power.

Use it to bring all that you desire into being.

Not in 10 years or 5 or even 1.

Right now.

Use the power now.

It’s yours.  It has never not been.

Blessings

Lucy

Awakening to Power!

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As people get into the habit of observing their breath during meditation practice, it is easy for them to lose sight of the purpose of breath awareness.  In fact, it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that observing the breath is the purpose of meditation!  It is not.  It is merely a means to an end…

As I’ve explained in my previous posts on meditation, the practice of meditation has many and far-reaching benefits.  Ultimately, however, its purpose is to help us achieve greater states of happiness and peace, something that we all want.

So why is breath observation given so much attention and importance?  Let’s look at some of the reasons:

• It gives us a readily available point of focus.  No matter where you are or what you are doing, you can always tune into your breath
• No other materials or preparation are required for us to practice observing our breath
• It provides us with a readily available object of focus that traverses the entire landscape of gross to subtle phenomena.  For instance, when you first begin, you may focus on the in-breath and the out-breath.  Then you might extend your observation to notice through which nostril the breath enters and through which it leaves.  Next, you might notice the speed of entry and exist of air and the force of entry and exit.  As you continue, you will begin to notice even more subtle qualities of the breath by observing the length of the in-breath and that of the out-breath and the ‘gap’ or pause between each out-breath and the next in-breath.  You may also notice the sensations you experience at the rims of your nostrils as air enters and leaves.  In this way, the breath provides you with a range of observable qualities, from ‘gross’ to ’subtle’ .

So how is all this beneficial?

Well, for one thing, the sharper and finer your observation, the clearer and brighter is the quality of mindspace that you occupy as more and more of your conditioned thoughts, feelings and other preoccupations  ’settle’ like mud in a glass of muddy water.

This quality of mind approximates the quality of your natural, unconditioned mind of unsurpassable power, clarity, creativity, freedom, peace and joy!  Wouldn’t you want to be living from such a mind rather than one that is clouded and disturbed by innumerable, habitual, enslaving thoughts, feelings, beliefs etc?

But there is more!

As you practise observing your breath in a gentle, compassionate and non-judgmental way, you are setting your mind free from its ingrained habits of judging, responding harshly to undesirable situations or avoiding them altogether!  Can you imagine the freedom and joy that this kind of non-judging, compassionnate attitude affords us?

And there is still more!

Your experience in observing your breath is a microcosm of your experience of the world at large!  Everything that happens during your practice reflects what happens outside your practice.

If you find yourself getting tense or agitated and wanting to stop the practice or if you keep judging your breath, wanting to change it instead of simply observing and accepting it, or if you become impatient with the practice, resisting it or resenting it, you can be certain that you are also displaying similar attitudes, responses and ways of thinking and feeling in life more generally.

In an indirect way, observing your breathing is the perfect way of observing your mind at work!  Such observation provides you with hard data about yourself, your conditioned self, and armed with such data, you are in a position to make new and different choices, freely from your clear mind state!  What a truly powerful thing that is!

So, don’t mistake the finger pointing at the moon (observing the breath) for the moon (self-awareness, freedom from conditioned existence).  It is a means to an end – a simple, easy-to-use means to a profound and liberating end!

Blessings

Lucy Lopez

Awakening to Happiness!

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Quite often, people who are new to meditation practice may find the experience disconcerting.  Take a client of mine, Jake, for instance.

By his assessment, the first two daily sessions went very well for him.  However, on the third day, during the third session, he went into a mild panic and interrupted the session by asking if he could ’sit this one out’.

I opened my eyes to reassure him that I had heard his request and to indicate that I had been aware of his ’struggle’.  I did this by resting my gaze softly on his eyes, smiling and saying : “We are nearly done.  Could you hold on?”

This did reassure him and so he remained for the rest of the practice, following which, we had our usual debrief.

“What was it that troubled you?”  I asked.

“Too many thoughts” he replied shaking his head as if trying to shake off the thoughts.

“Too many thoughts or too troubling thoughts?” I asked.

He laughed in amusement, relieved that I understood.  “Troubling thoughts”, he replied.

It was time for me to share yet another Buddhist analogy that helps to describe experiences like Jake’s.

You have a garment that you decide to wash under a tap of running water.  You just assume that since you’ve used the garment, you should wash it.

As the water runs through the garment, however, you are alarmed to see how much dirt it releases from the garment.  You had not been aware of all that dirt, yet now that you see it you’re alarmed and somewhat repelled by it.

What do you do?  Do you curse the water for releasing all that dirt?  For making you aware of it?  Or do you allow the water to continue releasing as much of the dirt as possible until you are left with a clean garment?

Meditation practice allows you to become aware of all the conditioned thoughts, fears, anxieties, cravings, attachments, doubts, self-disgust, aversions and beliefs that have become part of your ‘garment’ of existence.  Meditation practice does not put all of this into your mind, no more than running water puts the dirt in your garment, it just makes you aware of the ‘dirt’.

Would you still want to abandon the practice?  Or can you see that it allows you to experience your natural happiness that lies in wait for you behind the clouds of your conditioning that your life experiences have built up?

Remember, you cannot change what you don’t know or what you refuse to acknowledge.

If you don’t know what thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attachments, aversions etc lie in your subconscious mind, or if you insist on denying or ignoring them, how can you possibly change them, or choose different thoughts, feelings, beliefs etc?

As you become more accepting of your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, cravings etc, as you become more willing to acknowledge them, they lose their ‘power’ over you.  Instead, you are able to see them for what they are – events – nothing more and nothing less, and you are in a position to make choices, choosing those thoughts/feelings/beliefs that serve you well and discarding or changing those that don’t.

Remember, you are not your thoughts or feelings, so do not identify with them.  See them instead as events that you experience.  Learn to think like this:

Anger is happening NOT I am angry.

This is not playing with words.  This is recognizing truth, or as Buddhism puts it, ’seeing things as they truly are’.

Blessings,

Lucy Lopez

Awakening to Happiness!

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