Coexistence… what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.

Mike Connolly

On this side of the Atlantic, where I happen to be (specifically, Australia), this Thursday and Friday are like most other Thursdays and Fridays – working days.

But over in America and Canada, these two days are holidays, with Thursday being Thanksgiving and Friday being the day after Thanksgiving, a day which is known in the retail industry as ‘Black Friday’.

And, no, it’s a very good kind of black because store accounts will hopefully go from ‘red’ to ‘black’ with all the shopping that people are expected to do on and after the Friday following Thanksgiving!  Or so the urban myths say.  It’s officially the start of Christmas shopping.

Clearly, there’s a lot happening during these days and during the lead up to them and following them as Americans and Canadians slide (or struggle uphill) from Thanksgiving to Christmas and the rest of us wind up (or down) for Christmas.

I love the idea of thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, on the other hand, can be marred for some at least, by national history, when battles between the early settlers and the indigenous people were waged, or personal history, where conflicts persist in the hearts of everyday folk with unhappy childhoods, estranged families or financial struggles.  For these people, Thanksgiving can be an occasion when their inner happiness feels most threatened.

Yet, for all of us, regardless of our current situation or history, thanksgiving -giving thanks and feeling gratitude – is exactly what can help restore our inner happiness.

Now, for me personally, gratitude is quite simply the recognition of goodness.  Gratitude, for me, does not even remotely hint of indebtedness or humility or feeling small in the presence of greatness.

For me, gratitude is recognizing the greatness and goodness in everything, including myself.  And that is not only a marvelous, enriching feeling, it’s a powerful one.  You see, you cannot be grateful without recognizing goodness and greatness.

If, on the other hand, gratitude simply means feeling good because of what someone or something has done for us, then I think we remain trapped in the craving and attaching habits of the ego-mind, a mind preoccupied with its unnatural and untenable survival.  Such a mind demands that other people and other things behave in certain ways in order for us to be happy.

On the other hand, recognizing the greatness and goodness in all things and enjoying freely and fully this recognition of greatness and goodness – that’s when I feel most grateful.  That’s when my sense of gratitude is not limited to what has been done for or to me, personally, but simply and inclusively, for what is.

To all my American and Canadian readers, may Thanksgiving be truly a day of gratitude for you.  And to all of us everywhere, may we enjoy the inner happiness of recognizing the greatness and goodness of all of life!

Love always

Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

‘INSPIRED PARENTING’

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An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out?

Renee Descartes

In psychology, there’s something that’s studied and referred to as ‘learned helplessness’.  You are probably familiar with it even if you don’t know it by that term.

For instance, have you ever said or thought or felt something like this:

“That’s how it’s always been.  It will never change” or

“It’s because of me” or

“I’ll never be able to do it”

Now, most of us may have such thoughts or feelings from time to time but they are fleeting.  We don’t hold on to such thoughts and often, we make attempts to prove our thinking wrong.  Most of the time, we do tend to have a more optimistic way of handling situations even if at first, we may feel pessimistic.

But for someone who has ‘learned to be helpless’, these kinds of thoughts and feelings tend to persist as ongoing pessimism.  Consequently, they feel less and less in control of their lives.

They tend to perceive situations as being permanent and unlikely to change:

“That’s how it’s always been.  It will never change”

They also tend to perceive them as ‘personal’ – a direct reflection on themselves:

“It’s because of me”

And this way of looking at things can be pervasive

“I’m never be able to do it”.

Such people have truly learned to feel helpless so that, even when situations change and opportunities do arise, they feel unable to make the most of them, to really give themselves a chance!

I’m sure you can see how pessimism and learned helplessness can prevent you from achieving happiness.

Optimists, on the other hand, are believers in change, in opportunity, in self-efficacy (being effective) and self-determination.  They are not prepared to let others or other things prevent them from achieving happiness.  Instead, they are convinced that they, and only they, are responsible for their happiness.  They know that the situations they encounter in life are ones that their own thinking, beliefs and attitudes have attracted.

The man who introduced the concept of ‘learned helplessness’, Martin Seligman, was also the man who developed the idea of ‘learned optimism’.

We are capable of learning anything and optimism is one of the things that we can learn.  I should know!

For a long time, I was an incurable pessimist, or so I thought (well, would you expect different from a pessimist?)!  But there came a point in my life when sheer logic led me to consider the fact that there were other ways of being.  That was the time it actually struck me that I could choose to be happy.

Now, I often here people admitting that ‘happiness is a choice’.  But they often say it with such a grim face, sometimes adding “but it’s so hard”.  And there you have a bit of ‘learned helplessness’ sneaking in!

So, I think it’s worth asking: Do I really believe that happiness is a choice?  And if so, what does that mean for me in a very real and practical sense?  How do you live that belief everyday?

I’ll leave you to reflect on that one and share my thoughts on it in my next post!

In the meantime, I hope you ‘unlearn some helplessness‘  in time for Thanksgiving!

Pessimism is as American as apple pie – frozen apple pie with a slice of cheese.

George Will

PS For an  inspiring model of learned optimism, check this out and this .  Enjoy :)

Love always,

Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

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Well, the king being rich (could he be otherwise!) offered a substantial reward for the recovery of this exquisite piece of jewelry.

Now a businessman who was walking his usual route home, which happened to be along a river, noticed something shimmering in the water.  He stopped, wandering what it might be.

As he stood there, he remembered the king’s necklace and the reward for its recovery.  He was motivated to investigate this shimmering phenomenon!

He bent down for a closer look and soon realized that the river was pretty grotty.  Nevertheless, he stuck his hand in to see if he could get hold of the shimmering item.  No such luck.

Now, as you can imagine, he didn’t much like getting his good clothes soiled and wet.  Still, he persevered, each time getting more of himself and his good clothes dirty.  Oh, it wasn’t fun I can assure you!  But the prospect of the king’s reward was, well, too tempting.  Why, he’d be able to invest a portion and live the rest of his life from the passive income!

In due course, along comes a saint (don’t you just love when that happens!) who asks the man what he’s doing.  Now, this man isn’t a businessman for nothing.  He knows about people stealing information from you and using it to their advantage, so he refuses to tell the saint.  (Clearly, he didn’t realize the passerby was a saint. Tch! Tch!)

But the saint being saintly was determined to help this rather troubled and by now, filthy looking man.  The man, weary, frustrated and disgusted with his condition, soon gives in and tells all.

The saint, with a saintly smile, points to a tree branch overhanging the river.  “Look”, he says, “the necklace is up there.  You’ve been chasing a reflection”.

Ouch!

Okay, I am not going to tell you, because you already know it, that the river represents our conditioned, materially-driven existence.

Neither am I going to tell you that the reflection in the river is the longing, the desire we have for happiness.

And I am definitely not going to tell you that the necklace hanging from the branch above is where our true happiness, lies – in our higher/unconditioned state of consciousness.

I am not going to tell you any of this because you already know that, like the businessman,  we too think that this is how to find happiness.  Just like him, we’re prepared to get ourselves caught up in materialistic pursuits because we’re convinced we’ll find happiness there.

Oh sure, we know that true happiness is really found within, which is of course why we spend so little time in the world ‘within’ and so much time in the world ‘outside’ with its wild promises of happiness when all it really delivers is fleeting moments of ‘pleasure’!

Instead of creating our outer world from our inner state of happiness, we look to the outer world to give us what we already are!  But you already know all this.  I’m writing this mostly to remind myself but especially to share that gorgeous story with you.  Hope you liked it!

Love always,

Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

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“I wanted to change my shirt but I changed my mind instead”

Winnie the Pooh

Have you noticed that every moment of your life is a moment of choice?

I know it’s hard to really get that because, most of the time, we’re on autopilot with our routines and our unquestioning acceptance of life ‘as is’.

We tend to forget that life ‘as is’ is the result of PAST thoughts, past choices and past beliefs.  If we want life to be ‘as desired’, then we have to change our CURRENT thoughts, current choices and current beliefs.

That means that we can choose to intercept our autopilot thinking, speaking and behavior.  More and more, we can make them moments of conscious choice

But perhaps you’ve decided that it’s easier to remain on autopilot, believing that being a conscious chooser can be hard work.

Take my friend, Beverly, for instance.  For weeks she agonized over a choice she believed she had to make.  You’d think it was a life-changing choice.  It wasn’t, at least not in the way we think of life-changing choices

It wasn’t about whether she should have an operation or not.  It wasn’t about whether she should marry her boyfriend or not.  It wasn’t about buying a house or donating an organ.  It wasn’t anything like that.

So what was this choice that she’d spent weeks agonizing over?

This:  “Should I exercise for five minutes every day or not?”

Yep, you can pick your jaw from off the floor now.  And no, I’m not telling you a porky either.

You see, poor old Bev was feeling dreadfully conflicted.  She believed it was the right thing to exercise.  She was afraid that if she didn’t exercise, she’d end up with medical and physical problems as she did spend most of her day at her desk.

But, the fact was, Bev didn’t like to exercise.  In fact, the very thought of it made her recoil with dread and pour herself even deeper into desk work.

For as long as she remained conflicted about what she believed was the ‘right’ thing to do and what she really felt, Bev could not make a choice.  And the more she procrastinated making her choice, the longer it remained unresolved in her mind.

Her ‘solution’?  Pour herself deeper into her work, distract herself.

But as you and I know, (because I’m sure we’ve had similar experiences), you can never completely distract yourself, can you?  That unmade decision is still tossing and turning in your subconscious mind waiting for you to put it to bed.

Without you noticing it, you start avoiding things, topics and people who remind you of it.  Sometimes, you go out of your way to convince yourself that other things are so much more important.

“This is trivial.  I’ll deal with it later.  For goodness sake, it’s not a matter of life and death!”

Or you convince yourself that you don’t have all the information you need and it’ll take you a while to gather it all.  In the meantime, distract yourself.

Yes, I know a lot about all these little devices that we use to get out of making a choice.  I’ve been a master of them!

The sad thing is, trivial as they may seem, we expend a disproportionate amount of time, mental and emotional energy in not making them!  Crazy but true.

And yet, most of these choices are really easy to make, once we know how AND once we understand why it is we experience such turmoil, resistance and reluctance to make them.

You see, they really do drain away our life energy for as long as they remain unmade.  They really are life and death decisions, slow death that is!

It’s much harder to resist or avoid anything than it is to allow.  Always!

Not making a choice is resisting the flow of life.  Making a choice, on the other hand, allows ‘flow’, it allows energy to do its work!

So, what are some of the things that you need to understand about why you find it hard to make choices and become a more ‘conscious chooser’ than an ‘autopilot’?

Here they are:

There are no ‘permanent’ choices unless you choose to make them so.  You need not condemn yourself to a life sentence of the choices you make

The best and most freeing choices are always open to review and revision

Not acting according to a choice you have made doesn’t make you bad, irresponsible or a failure.  It simply reflects your un-awakened state.  It is an opportunity to awaken, to observe yourself, to understand yourself and to take charge of your life.

There are no ‘wrong’ choices, only choices based on what you have and know best at any given time

You are a creative being whose creative process involves making choices after choices after choices – see it as a marvelous adventure in a field of infinite possibilities!

And finally, that empowering and liberating question that you can ask yourself whenever you are faced with a choice, regardless of how trivial or significant it may seem to you:

What do I most want now?

Yes, that is the only question you need to ask yourself every time and any time you want to make a choice.

Forget these types of questions:

What is the best or right thing to do?

What is the easiest thing to do?

What is the best gift I can give?

What is the best deal I can get?

None of these questions will inspire you and free you for three reasons:

1)     They are all about things beyond your control, based on arbitrary standards or values of others.

2)     They speak in absolute not relative terms which means they do not easily lend themselves to review and revision

3)     They are based on life ‘as is’.

But asking, “What do I most want now?” inspires and frees you to listen to your true desires which are not based on life ‘as is’ but which draws on your imagination, that creative genius which roams freely and is truly at home in the field of infinite possibilities!

Ask this question when faced with the most ‘mundane’ or ‘trivial’ choice.  Ask it when faced with the most trying and ‘critical’ choice.

Ask it.  Then listen.  Really listen.  Then allow yourself to be guided into an inspired, empowering and liberating choice!

Love always,

Lucy

Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you cantake control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedomthat comes from being in charge of yourself.

Robert F Bennett

Want to be a Happy and Successful  Parent? Learn ‘INSPIRED PARENTING’ from 5 teachers from The Secret. (Might be the perfect gift for Christmas :))

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“Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.” Earl Nightingale

Yes, I know, sometimes it’s easier to blame it on that rascally, indefinable, elusive thing called ‘luck’, isn’t it?

But jokes aside, what is this equally hard-to-pin-down thing called ‘success’?  Have you ever thought of yourself as a success?  Have you ever done or ‘achieved’ anything that you would consider a success?

You must have heard the story about Thomas Edison, inventor of the light bulb.  He was asked in an interview:  How did it feel to have failed all those many times (reportedly in the vicinity of a thousand).

“Failed?” exclaimed Edison, “those weren’t failures!  They were all the ways I learned how not to do it!”

Ah, yes. It’s hard to have that kind of attitude though, when a relationship has ended or you’ve been told you didn’t get that job or you just blew the diet plan yet again.

“Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It’s quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn’t at all. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it, So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember that’s where you will find success.”
– Thomas J. Watson

Here are some dictionary definitions of success:

• The achievement of something desired, planned or attempted
• The gaining of fame or prosperity
• One that is successful

So, how about it?  Would you consider yourself a success?  Or do you think it would be more accurate to say that you have been successful on some occasions and not others?

It’s an important question to ask yourself because, you see, success and happiness have a lot to do with each other.  Or at least, your beliefs about success and happiness do.

Which brings me to the question in the title of this post:

What comes first, success or happiness?

Well, if you believe that success is the achievement of things, then it is more than likely that your happiness will depend on how successful you consider yourself.

If you get what you desire, aim for, work for, in other words, if you succeed, then you will be happy.  This kind of belief demands certain outcomes and your happiness is contingent upon securing those outcomes.

But is there a different way of looking at things?  Could one be happy regardless of the outcome?  Put it this way, would you rather be happy regardless of the outcome?

I know I would.  In fact, my life experiences have shown me that there is no other way of being truly happy and staying happy.  I would go so far as to say that being peaceful and happy is the greatest ’success’ one could have or be!

So, I’ll finish with a rather nice quote to which I’ve made a slight adjustment to make it more gender inclusive:

“When a person feels throbbing within them the power to do what they undertake as well as it can possibly be done, this is happiness, this is success.”
Orison Swett Marden

Notice, this kind of ’success’ and happiness isn’t contingent upon an outcome.  Rather success and happiness are experienced in the enthusiastic and fully committed (passionate) ‘doing’ of something!

Love always, Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

Want to be a Happy and Successful  Parent? Learn ‘INSPIRED PARENTING’ from 5 teachers from The Secret. (Might be the perfect gift for Christmas :))

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Ok, here’s the story.  I was writing the post below when I received these pictures.  How could I resist sharing them with you?  I couldn’t.  But more importantly, I didn’t want to.

Which therefore leaves me with this somewhat odd post of things seemingly unrelated.  But are they?  Mmmm…I’ll leave you decide… :)

Discipline.  Or self-discipline.

You’ve heard of it.  You may have recoiled in disgust.  Or you may have applauded its merits.  And most, if not all, of us equate it with ‘hard work’.

Let’s take a look, shall we?  A really good look.

Let’s begin by why some of us at least regard it a good thing and consider it necessary.  In other words, let’s examine what we believe its merits are.

Most of us think that with self-discipline, we’re more likely to do what we should do, avoid what we shouldn’t and therefore remain stable, secure and safe.

Fine.  So, what exactly are the threats to our stability, security and safety?  Or, if you prefer, to our wellbeing?

Is it greed or gluttony?  Is it promiscuity, whether sexual, intellectual or sensual?

Here’s what I think:  The only threat to our wellbeing, to our stability, security and safety is….

Ignorance.

Ignorance, you say?

Yes, ignorance.

Of what?

Of who and what we truly and naturally are.


In my experience, when I am in touch with my naturally free, uninhibited, creative, joyous, abundant, powerful SELF, flowing seamlessly in it, as it, I am unencumbered.

The so-called ‘merits’ or effects of  ’self-discipline’ are naturally what I am – stable, secure and safe – not by any conventional standards but by the unconventional, unrivalled, unparalleled, unconditional, immeasurable nature of love.

You’ll simply have to try it for yourself.

Blessings,

Lucy

Awakening to Happiness, Prosperity and Freedom!

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